Live your potential

Dependency

My car died last week. I'd just dropped off my son at the car share and was returning home to take my daughter to school when the gearbox failed. Utterly. Five miles from home and no way to get back. And I didn't have my wheelchair with me either.

Thank heavens for mobile phones. Called my daughter, arranged someone else to drop her off, got hold of the RAC, the garage, Motability, a car hire company... The RAC towed me home, collected my chair from the house and took the car to the garage. A combination of taxis and friends collected the children from schools. And I sat at home out of the rain.

It made me realise how completely dependent I am on wheels. Without my chair, I cannot move. Without my car, I'm largely stuck at home, particularly if the weather is bad. I hate it.

Exposing myself

I've been in the public eye and ear today and it's stirred up my memories. First was a radio interview on BBC Wiltshire this morning and then a talk to 150 sixth form girls at a school in Oxford.

The questions bring up unresolved issues and I realise yet again that I don't accept my injury. I wonder if I ever will.

"Do you feel pain?" Yes, all the time. It's a constant ache. Yes, in the middle of the night when I can't sleep. Yes, I feel pain.

"What do you find the hardest?" The time things take. Always being exposed. Being so often defined by my disability. The patronising comments (I dropped something in the street. I picked it up. "Well done", said a passer-by). The way I can't feel touch. Being cold most of the time. Being so affected by rain and snow.

Oh the list is endless. I'm glad I can raise awareness of the issues around disability. I'm glad people are willing to listen. I just wish talking about it didn't leave me feeling so raw.