It seems appropriate to be writing of love today. I've been having long conversations with a friend who's got a spinal cord injury. He's convinced that he'll be alone for ever. That women will only see the wheelchair. That women will see him as disabled. That they'll find him undesirable. That they'll think of the longer-term implications of being with him and will turn him down.
I think he's wrong. He's good-looking, bright, fit, forceful. Why wouldn't someone want to be with him? In an odd way, he might have an advantage by being in a wheelchair: he could be more approachable, might be seen as less threatening. However, I think he does himself no favours by believing himself unattractive. I' subscribe to the theory that people intuitively pick up how you feel about yourself and that determines their response.
Maybe I'm wrong. It would be great to be able to test the effect a wheelchair has on perceptions. I'd like to recruit an attractive man to go speed-dating for two consecutive weeks, one time standing, the next in a wheelchair. Would it make it a difference? Perhaps, if the desired outcome for participants is sex: they'll doubtless bring their (wrong) assumption that it won't happen if he's in a wheelchair.
I won't be suggesting speed-dating for my friend. But I will be encouraging him to go online dating. And perhaps it's wrong, but I will recommend he doesn't mention his disability in his profile. Let people get to know him a little first, and then tell them. Love may conquer all, but love isn't blind.
