Three years ago today I broke my back. I feel very different to last year. I wrote then: "I suppose I'm at the stage of acceptance. It happened. There's nothing I can do about it. I wish it hadn't. I wish I wasn't always in pain. I wish I still had my legs and normal bladder, bowels, sexual function, sensation. But I don''t and I am very unlikely to get any of it back. So why grieve? Might as well just keep on living".
A year further on, that reads like denial to me. I hadn't reached the stage of acceptance. I'm not sure I have even now, although I'm getting closer to it. I'm not always in pain any more. I'm less bothered by my lack of functioning legs and bowels. Sex is surprisingly exciting. Yes, I do wish I had more sensation. Yes, I do wish my bladder was more reliable. But that's it. I don't regret what happened. I could be so much worse off.
I found yet another good thing about having a spinal cord injury: I now have an edge in interviews or Board appointments. If there's no difference between me and another candidate, I've got more chance of getting the job - I count as a minority now, so will help an employer meet its equal opportunities obligations.
Being in a wheelchair also makes me more approachable. I was in Salisbury Hospital the other day for an appointment (let's skip over the fact that whilst I had put the new appointment into my diary, I hadn't deleted the old one so my trip to the clinic was, shall we say, very short). I had the beginning of a guided tour in my new role (it had to be cut short because of my trip to the clinic). And when I sat down in the cafe, I had a fascinating conversation with my table neighbours. For about a minute, they told me about their recent excellent experience as patients. And then they told me about a far less pleasant experience for some 15 minutes. I suggested they write in to tell the hospital what should have been done differently.
Yes, it's a happier anniversary than last year.
(I did a google image search for "unhappy anniversary" and found this book cover. If you're curious about the 1957 Supreme Court ruling that led Daniel Mark Cohen to write his book, read the synopsis on Amazon).
